Defining Family ...

A Picture is Worth A Thousand Words

Can I believe what I see? Yes. This is family. My grandsons. Taliek, the older one, was born in April of 2004. His birth heralded a new day--I was once again a grandmother. The pain of losing his sister two years earlier left an indelible mark on my heart. We are not promised long life, but I do believe that God tells us life can be worth it. I only had Melliah in my life for 7 glorious days, but I remember that precious gift and am the better for it. When Taliek was born, I knew that God had given us all another chance.
     When I look at this picture, I'm overcome with an overwhelming desire to make the world right. For them, in memory of Melliah, in honor of my grandchildren here and to come. When my children were growing up, I told them that life wasn't necessarily fair. I told them that fairness takes a lot into consideration and those that think that everyone should have the same amount of -- well, everything -- are doomed to disappointment. But, life is to be lived as long as you remember that life encompasses both the joys and sorrows of living.

"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood,

but respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members

of one family grow up under the same roof."

                                                                                                        Richard Bach, Illusions
Family.  This picture is about family. That's the other thing I see when I look at my grandsons. This picture was taken the week Octavian came into our lives. Notice I didn't say, when Octavian was born because Octavian came into our lives a little more than two months after he was born. We didn't know at the time how long we'd be able to keep him, but a day or a year, a lifetime, he was ours. Taliek's captivation of his cousin was life long. We are family. Pure and simple.
     I have family all around the world. I cannot find a biological connection other than being human, but overall this family that I have now has grown over time. A couple of decades, actually. Calling the people I love family is not something I always believed in. I had a family that included mother and father, sisters and brothers. I had grandmothers and grandfathers, aunts and uncles, and a plethora of cousins of various generations. Our connection was that of blood. I believed that family was family and others--well, some friends, others just associates. Then,when I got older I realized that not everyone was a blood relation, but everyone could be family.
     My daughter and sons always brought friends home and often these friends called me Mom. Our home was the way station for many young people--some whose lives were less than fair. It wasn't easy for me to care about these children, not being able to do much more than that. I couldn't adopt them, but I could care and often feed a child or offer him or her help with his or her homework. The time at my house was comfort with limits. I didn't try to raise another parent's child, but I offered consistency and a place of refuge for many. Maybe that is where my daughter got it from.
     When my daughter learned about Octavian, that he was being placed in CPS custody, she offered a place of refuge. A mutual admiration society was created between Octavian and Eryon, but not just them alone. It is hard to know that people will debate about doing what is right for a child; whether or not to do anything. Too many challenges and obstacles. I know. I wrestled with these challenges and obstacles a lot. Too many young folks were left to their own devices, with little or no supervision. I could not adopt all of them, but I did what I could. But, here's what I'd like for us to consider. What will it take to create the village that cares for all of our children?
     I'm trying to figure it all out. This week, CPS came and took Octavian from my daughter. As I said, we knew there was a chance CPS would push to have Octavian united with his blood family. I get that, but family is not necessarily one of blood. You see, Octavian had the best of all worlds. He had a family who wanted him and loved him. Some of his family could not do everything, but together this family could give Octavian his best shot. So what went wrong?
     Institutions like the Child Protective Service are interested in rules and procedures and they should be. But, they lack something very important. That basic lack is that not everything can be tied up or fixed by a procedure. When you have people who are willing to step up to the plate--give that child every chance. Help the people who lack and the people who are willing and the people who can a chance to work together. Look past the rules and procedures and weigh the human element of relationships--family. Octavian has a family. They are not all blood, but they could work together, if only the bureaucrats would get out of the way.
     More to the story ...